the past couple of months i’ve been struggling with my own definition of motherhood.  or rather, good motherhood.  as mothers [and women, too] we are constantly comparing ourselves to others.  we excel at being our own worst critic.  the internal battle of what we did wrong and what we could have done better seems to banter on long after the choice was made.

oh, and then there are those women we compare ourselves to that write the kind of blog posts that just make you feel even crummier.  dear mom on the iPhone…. i’m sure you know what i mean.

before amelia started preschool, i felt like i had a pretty firm grasp on what type of mother i was.  frazzled, tired, overworked & a Dora episode pusher.  i wasn’t the best, but i was doing what i could & i pretty much felt ok with it.

over the past couple of months as we’ve transitioned from being very non-scheduled to an “up at 7am, lights out at 8pm” kind of family with hours more strictly dedicated to work, play & learning, i’ve had to learn to re-mother.

Dora just isn’t cutting it anymore [and let's face it, we are so over Blues Clues].  bins filled with happy meal toys & random barbie clothes no longer hold much interest for us.

so we revamped & restocked amelia’s play things.  but that wasn’t quite where it all ended.  weekends have turned into all out craft conferences at our dining room table.  i’m combing pinterest at midnight each night for the next best thing to do & how to keep amelia super entertained.

i feel like i’m hovering.  i feel like i’m undoing all the independent thinking we had been so proud of amelia for having at such an early age.  i don’t really know what to do, so i just do it all.  to the extreme.  and then burn out.  and then we are back to tired ol’ spanglish television with talking monkeys in rainboots.

so i’m trying to scale back.  to just be normal.  if there is such a thing in motherhood.

i want to be creative & involved, but i also recognize that i need to give amelia her independent space to make decisions [good or bad, with praise or consequences].  i’m still working on distinguishing the difference day to day, but i hope i’m getting better!

ps — all you moms feeling super guilty for being on your iPhone?  don’t!

check out this pretty awesome rebuttal post by another blogger.  living in a foreign country on a totally opposite timezone from family & friends [not to mention, trying to run a business while on the go most days] makes it absolutely impossible for me to stay off my phone.  and we shouldn’t have to sacrifice a few minutes to ourselves at the park on the bench.

you deserve those few minutes, i know i sure do.

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